Day Seven Hundred and One
by Laura's Fantasia
Summary: The diary of Lord Tubbington. "It's been seven hundred days since Brittany first stumbled upon me shivering in the middle of Lima, and today is the day my captivity ends." Kind of HP!Brittana but not really. Oneshot.


Day Seven Hundred and One

**Day One**

Day One of captivity. I must keep track of this to stop myself going mad. Who knows how long I will be stuck as a cat. I have been taken in by a girl named Brittany Pierce, who is obsessed with unicorns but despite this appears to be the muggliest muggle I've ever come across with her electrolinics and odd clothes. She gave me food, though – real food, not mice. But now I am stuck in her house without my wand. I suppose it will be good to lie low here for a little while – but not too long. I'm not sure how long I can last in this place, with that girl...

* * *

**Day Six Hundred and Eighty Four**

I think she's onto me. She caught me smoking Santana's cigars again, and went into a lecture about how bad they are for me. She didn't even seem surprised she'd just found her cat smoking - and that's what makes me worry. I know she doesn't have any idea about the wizarding world, but shouldn't she be a little surprised? That's not normal cat behaviour. I'll have to be more careful about acting too human when she might catch me. I'll try and purr more. Hopefully that'll remind her I'm just a regular cat - and maybe then she'll even be so charmed she'll take me off this ridiculous Atkins diet. I know I'm lucky to have found a muggle that could be persuaded towards giving me a human diet, but I need carbs as well! Maybe I am a bit on the large size, but that doesn't mean she should take away my spaghetti!

This turned into a bit of a rant. I think I'm just a bit cranky from the lack of food. I might try and get into the fridge tonight... I don't know why I never did before.

**Day Six Hundred and Eighty Five**

Success! This man-turned-cat is the cleverest around (whatever that ginger tom round the corner might think) - the contents of the Pierce fridge are mine for the taking! All it took was a bit of manoeuvring of the tiny plastic chairs Chloe uses for tea parties and a well aimed jump, and now I have half a leftover chicken pie to munch on. Amazing what you can accomplish without a wand if you just do a bit of smart thinking. Although I guess smart thinking to get around the Ministry was what got me in this situation to start. Ten years of siphoning money all undone by one slip up. At least I'd been smart enough to not register when I first decided to look into becoming an animagus – it's probably the one thing that's kept me safe the past couple of years. As much as I moan about the Pierces, this place beats Azkaban any day. I just have to make sure I don't slip up again.

Santana arrived last night, so I hid in the bathroom and pretended not to hear anything. I have no problem with them now Santana's acting half-decent most of the time, but I also wish they'd remember that just because her parents and sister are out doesn't mean they're the only ones in the house. At least I have my pie to kee me compa

...I must have fallen asleep. It's the morning, and I can hear Brittany calling my name – I've probably got another five minutes until she finds me. I'm torn between hating and loving my name. The 'Lord' part is great, very fitting, but... Tubbington? Really? It's insulting. I know I have a rounder than average stomach, but it's so rude to name me based on that!

I can hear her coming up the stairs... I'd better hide the leftover pie.

**Day Six Hundred and Eighty Seven**

I had a very busy day yesterday – so much that I didn't get to write at all. The other Pierces returned at night, and Brittany decided I needed to help her clean before then. She tied sponges to my feet – but then she filmed me rather than help me! I ended up cleaning the entire kitchen! I'll have to go through what she filmed later and cut out any unflattering parts. I'm getting quite good at this muggle techno stuff now, ever since she posted that video of me eating fondue at an extremely bad angle. It took me quite a while to understand after she took me in; I've never really had much contact with the muggle world before, and all these phones and televisions and computers went straight over my head – although I still maintain that some of that was due to disorientation of smuggling myself across the Atlantic crushed in a tiny crate, on a boat with only mice to eat. I never wanted to taste a mouse again after that, although I had to for a little while until I found Brittany. One time there was a mouse in the Pierce kitchen and Mr Pierce tried to trap me in there with it, but I refused to go near it and eventually Brittany rescued me. She's good like that.

She's at school now – although I still haven't worked out what children do at muggle school. It seems to involve a lot of singing. She'll be back later to dote on me, but for now I think I might go purr up to Mrs Pierce and see if she'll give me some treats... I can't deny there are advantages to the cat lifestyle.

**Day Six Hundred and Eighty Eight**

She almost caught me _again_ today. I was just finishing off my pie in the bathroom this evening (although it's getting a bit chewy now) when she stumbled in with Santana and almost stepped right on me! I managed to crawl up the towel and drop that over the pie, but Santana lifted it up and found it! Then they took it away... Brittany told me off for going against my diet and Santana just stared, then prodded my stomach. It was very rude. I think I need to be more careful around Santana though – Brittany told her how I'd smoked her cigars the other day as well, and Santana looked sceptical as always but also kept staring between me and the pie. I crawled under Brittany's bed to sulk, then realised that was a terrible idea and bolted out again as soon as they ended up on top of it. I'm hiding in Chloe's room now. She's nice too mostly, but she always tries to dress me up so normally I avoid her.

I think perhaps I should investigate what Brittany's suspicions might be. If she tells anyone the unusual things I do they might come and investigate me and realise I'm not a normal cat – and then the American magical government might catch wind of it and report me to the Ministry, and then I'd be heading straight to Azkaban. Sometimes I dream of finding my wand again so I can transform back and just slip away, but as much as it pains me to say it I think that's long gone now – and as long as I'm a cat, I think I'm best off with Brittany.

**Day Six Hundred and Eighty Nine**

I had a brilliant idea today – while she was at school, I read Brittany's diary. And I was right that she was getting suspicious, but not for the reasons I thought. She thinks I've joined some sort of cat gang! Because of the cigars and the stealing (although I hardly call taking from the family fridge "stealing"), and because of one time I tried out her sunglasses to see how they'd look. It's a relief. She's written about helping me get out of it, but also protecting me from others who might be angry because people in gangs go to jail. It means she's not telling anyone else except Santana (who seems to think the idea is ludicrous but won't say that to Brittany's face). I should keep an eye on her diary though, to make sure nothing changes. So long as she's just worried about gang tendencies, I'm safe.

**Day Six Hundred and Ninety Three**

I'm exhausted. Brittany's really taken her concerns to heart, and now won't let me out of her sight – and when she's at school, she shuts me in her room away from where I keep my diary in the bathroom. I can't write. I can't smoke. I can't eat stolen/borrowed pie. And she's got the crazy idea that _exercise_ will help – so she's bought a cat lead and collar and started taking me on _walks_. I'm not a dog! It's ridiculous! And now she's coming to find me I sneaked off I have to go hide-

**Day Six Hundred and Ninety Eight**

I've managed to drag my diary into Brittany's room because I have to write this down – something very interesting happened today. Brittany dragged me out on another walk through Lima, ignoring all my meows of complaint. I've lost weight, I know I have, and I hate it. She just won't listen. I don't care about being heavy!

Anyway. The park, today. There was a wizard – I'm sure of it. 100% sure. Well, 80% sure. He was dressed in the weird mix of robes and muggle clothes that American wizards seem to like so much. He was quite young so maybe it's just a new muggle teenage fashion – but I don't think so. I have to go back there tomorrow and find out – this could be my escape. This could finally be my way out.

**Day Six Hundred and Ninety Nine**

He's definitely a wizard. I pulled Brittany straight to the park today – I think she was so surprised I was actually eager to go on a walk that she just went along with it. The wizard was back, and there was a witch this time as well. They had a spell book, and I think they were studying. I went straight over to them and said hello and they just looked confused to start with. Brittany was confused too – she said to them that I'm not normally this friendly. But I don't normally come across other witches and wizards! I jumped up onto the girl's lap and tried to find her wand but she pushed me off and said something about being allergic. So then I tried the boy, even headbutting the spellbook and looking at him imploringly, but he didn't seem to get it before Brittany picked me up and carried me home.

I'll go back there tomorrow, though. I looked back and saw them both staring after me, and I think they know I'm not really a cat. Tomorrow I'll get them to transform me back, and then I can disappear into the American wizarding world and make a new life for myself there.

But... Brittany's worried. She said maybe it's time to take me off the Atkins diet if it's affecting me this much. She said we can go to Cat Gangs Anonymous to get me some help. I will miss her... I hated it with her at first, but I couldn't hate her for long. She's so nice, and she treated me well, and even though I've been a pillow to cry into a few too many times for my liking, I just consider that my payment back to her for everything she's done. She's a great muggle, really. Far better than a lot of the other muggles I've met through her, who ignore me or try and feed me cat food. In fact... I might even be sad to see her go.

That's silly, though. I've been a cat for far too long and it's time I went back to being human. Tomorrow we'll go back to the park, I'll transform back and say goodbye to Lima and the Pierces once and for all.

**Day Seven Hundred**

It's been seven hundred days since Brittany first stumbled upon me shivering in the middle of Lima, and today is the day my captivity ends. I'm waiting for her to come home from school so we can go on a walk and find that witch and wizard again.

Seven hundred days... I knew I might be with the Pierces for a while when I first arrived, but I never thought it would be this long. I've seen a lot of things. Brittany and Santana are finally mostly settled, although they still have their hiccups. Brittany's grown up – she's always singing and dancing now. We understand each other mostly, except for her confusion about me being in a gang. She's quirky, and I like that. It makes for an entertaining life; far more entertaining than I ever had working for Gringotts. In fact in general my life here has been better than when I was a working wizard in England. Brittany treats me better as a cat than I was ever treated as a wizard. I'll be sad to leave.

Do I even want to leave?

I can hear her downstairs now. I'd like to go and greet her with a hello and purr until she gives me some chocolate, then curl up next to her on her bed as she does homework. It's a good life... and I don't want to go back to the stresses of working every day and having bosses scowl at me. I'm safe here, too – no one from the Ministry will find me.

Maybe we won't go on a walk today. Maybe I can just find that witch and wizard another time if I change my mind.

I'm going to go and say hello to my Brittany now. One day I'll get free, but for now... I'm happy to continue onto Day Seven Hundred and One.


End file.
